While debating current issues with my cousin, he suddenly felt the need to attack my religion by saying that "Kate Kelly was excommunicated for asking a question" . This sounded silly to me and the answer so obvious. I responded that she did not just ask a question. I told him that I - and many of my church friends - ask the same kinds of questions Kate Kelly did and we're still enjoying full membership in the church. How could he not see the difference? I wondered. I came to the conclusion that the one experience which has expanded my understanding on issues like these more than any other is motherhood.
Becoming a parent has broadened my perspective in ways I never would have imagined. I never knew real frustration until I had children. I also never knew real love and real joy until I had children. In the process of attempting to teach these future adults something of value, I have learned more about myself - and humanity in general - than one would think possible while cleaning messes, hushing meaningless arguments, and kissing owies better. Outside my little home, I watch fellow members of the LDS Church become offended and choose to leave of their own accord, or they make choices which lead them to be excommunicated, or others who become so offended they wallow in anger and curse God and His commandments. I also see people joining the Church and hear them say with pure joy in their eyes that they’re finally “home”; watch their lives transform and their relationships heal. I can’t help but see so many parallels inside my home and out, that I felt compelled to write down the following analogy. Like all analogies, it isn't perfect. It's mostly for myself, but I felt it appropriate (and may be helpful) to share with others.
The Family Night Analogy
This life is like Monday night in a Mormon home. Imagine with me that mom and dad have great plans for family night with a lesson, activities, and a treat at the end for everyone who participates. Dad's conducting and has special assignments for everyone. Sometimes it doesn't go as smoothly as it could because some kids choose not to participate, others don’t even get the message that family night has started, and others choose to argue about who gets what assignment. For example, maybe mom and dad give little Jimmy the assignment to pass something out to all the family members. The children don't know why Jimmy was chosen for this, and Kate gets jealous, "why does only Jimmy get to do that? That's not fair!" Mom and dad may calmly explain that this was Jimmy’s assignment, and she’ll get to do something else. If Kate complies and sits back down she can stay, get a handout of her own, and enjoy the rest of family night. If she gets up, tries to grab the handouts from Jimmy and continues to be disruptive despite gentle warnings, then she will be asked to leave and take a time-out.
Could one of the other kids have done it? Sure, but maybe mom and dad have a good reason they assigned the task to Jimmy. Maybe Jimmy gets restless and disinterested if he isn't given an assignment right away, or maybe that's the only task he's capable of accomplishing well on his own. Whatever the reason, the parents most likely have other assignments planned for the other children and they know what's best for each of them. Mom and dad still love all the children the same and want all of them to learn, participate, and have a treat.
Sometimes kids will compare privileges and responsibilities among themselves and speculate why mom and dad did it that way. Often someone will feel convinced things are unjustly allotted because they can't understand the parents’ reasoning. Even if mom or dad tried to explain it to them, they would most likely fight back with invalid arguments, simply because they can’t comprehend the bigger picture. The children don't have the parental perspective.
It’s important to remember that this particular family night is only one tiny instance in their childhood, just as this life is only one minuscule speck of our eternal existence. We lived before we came to earth, and we'll live infinitely longer after. Sure a lot of things can seem unfair in that single moment, but only the parents have a broader picture of each child’s identity, needs, and potential. Perhaps one child is especially gifted at something that would be needed for that night's lesson. Maybe another child has ADHD and needs things taught a little differently. Maybe two particular children need to be separated through the duration of the lesson to maintain peace. The list of potential scenarios could go on. Knowing these children before and after this family night event would provide better context as to why the mother and father do what they do.
I see Kate Kelly as the girl who was jealous of Jimmy's assignment. Our Heavenly Parents have assigned the men to administer the priesthood ordinances in the Church today. Of course women would be perfectly capable (there are plenty of accounts of it in church history), but for reasons unknown to us children, that responsibility has been solely entrusted to the men right now. Kate Kelly may be in "time-out", but her Heavenly parents don't love her any less. And despite any immature judgments from her more "obedient" siblings, the family misses her and wants her to come back to join them.
Is it a terrible thing to question parental decisions? Of course not! Questions can be such wonderful opportunities for children to learn. It's always better to ask a parent directly, rather than a sibling. If a child comes to his parents with his concerns, sincerely wanting to understand (and not just to argue), the parents may deem it appropriate to explain their reasoning to the child in simple terms he can comprehend. Sometimes parents may even conclude the private discussion with an admonition to keep what he had learned to himself, and not run off telling his siblings.
Our Heavenly Parents are so loving, forgiving, patient, and consistent. Their methods and programs may change as the family grows and as more children come to join "family night", but their love and goals for their children never change. Some will choose to whine and pout about what's not fair even to the point of refusing to enjoy the rest of the activities completely. A good father still loves them, but cannot force them to have fun and participate, so he gives them their space and waits for them to decide to come back. (If you've ever dealt with a tantruming two-year-old, you'll know what I'm talking about.)
As a parent myself, I now understand so much better God's dealings with His children. I'm beginning to understand just how much we really don't understand - how shortsighted, forgetful and simple-minded we are compared to Him and His perspective of eternity. Things really do work out best if we trust our Heavenly Parents in obedience, and treat our siblings with love and kindness. I see so clearly how any backbiting, judging, tattling, demeaning or shaming never comes from Heavenly Father. It’s always a sibling. Sometimes they feel justified in treating others this way because they’re enforcing Mom and Dad’s rules, but it’s still wrong. Our Father will always use methods of gentleness and love.
Maybe some children feel like they're not a part of this analogy. They're not even inside that house of love. Maybe they've wandered to a place so far, they can't comprehend deserving to come back to something so lovely. I can say with surety that through Jesus Christ, our older brother, we can be made clean no matter what we've done or how far we've strayed. There is no muddy place too deep, too far, or too dirty for Him to come and help you out. He has descended below all things. All you have to do is call His name and your personal Redeemer will be there by your side to make that journey home with you. I know this is true, more than I can ever describe.
We can come home for family night whenever we give up our childish and selfish desires, and trust our Father in Heaven. Because, unlike mortal parents, our Heavenly Parents love us and know us perfectly. They always want all of their children near them and happy. But, just like any good parents, they leave it up to us. It’s always our decision.
No comments:
Post a Comment