Three big events in 2011

The following was taken from a Christmas letter I wrote to my brother in-law while on his mission. He asked us to tell of things that happened for us that year and what we learned about the Savior.


A lot has happened for me this past year. I have experienced more emotional and physical pain than any other year of my life, yet I cannot say it was a "bad" year. In fact, it has been an incredible time of growth and of gaining deeper understanding of the Lord's love for me. I’ll share three big events from the year and what I’ve learned from them.

My most emotionally painful experience: death

March thirty-first was the day I watched my dear little sister pass away. Cancer is one of the smoother transitions from this life to the next and it was in the Spring of last year when Risa was diagnosed with it. I watched Risa slowly withdraw from the cares of this world and place her thoughts and attention to the things of eternity. From the very beginning, she expressed peace and confidence in God's plan for her. We, her family, did not share that confidence at first. We held weak hopes that she was actually getting better. It would be months before the doctors would inform us that her liver was failing and that she only had a few days left. The news was a big blow to us but Risa just said, "This is what I've been waiting for". That week, we watched as she slowly lost her abilities to function normally and cared for her around the clock, day and night, which proved to be an exhausting and emotionally draining task. On Sunday, the Sacrament hymn struck me at a deep level:

Abide with me; 'tis eventide. The day is past and gone;

The shadows of the evening fall; The night is coming on.

Within my heart a welcome guest, Within my home abide.

O Savior, stay this night with me; Behold, 'tis eventide.

O Savior, stay this night with me; behold, 'tis eventide.

Just as we had to stay with Risa for hours as she endured the hardest nights, our Savior will abide with us through our darkest and most difficult times. We didn’t know and couldn’t understand just how painful it was for Risa as we cared for her, but Jesus actually understands the pains of those he tends to and never wearies through His watch, as we do.

Risa took her last breath while we all sat near her bed and my mom had her in her arms. As difficult and heart wrenching as this experience was, I cannot recall a time I felt so supported by God's love and so close to the Spirit as I did then. I felt so much peace. I don't just believe I'll be with her again, I know it. This confidence can only come from our Savior, who has overcome sin and death, and in whom Risa has had immense Faith from the beginning. God has an unfathomable love for us. I understand that more now than I did before this experience. Never before have I been so grateful for His great plan of Happiness!

My most physically painful experience: life

After I delivered Paul on July First, Blair and I couldn’t help but notice the similarities between the events of death and of birth. Both involve physical pain and intense emotional feelings. Both bring us so close to the veil that we become more sensitive to the spirit world. God watches over us very tenderly as a life begins and as it ends.

Though giving birth was the most intense and physically exhausting adventure of my life, I feel it has chiseled within me a deeper capacity to feel love and experience joy. I can’t even describe the love I have for Paul and for Blair. I marvel at the kind of love our Savior must have for each of us, knowing that He has suffered beyond our ability to comprehend and in our behalf. Just as my pain brought about a new life, His pain has given each of us new life. I feel that my appreciation and understanding of Jesus Christ--though extremely inadequate--has increased tremendously.

Listening to a prophet’s voice.

The third big event I want to mention from this year, was attending General Conference last October. I loved the feeling of strength and unity as I sat with thousands of other Latter-Day Saints who know of the same truths I do. The spirit was undeniable as it testified of the reality of these doctrines, which have been tested and strengthened for me earlier this year. Families are meant to be eternal. The Saviour lives and really does understand our joys as well as our pains. He and our Heavenly Father love us so much and will not leave us comfortless. The Book of Mormon is true. Jesus Christ leads this Church through His divinely appointed leaders who were sitting right in front of us in the Conference Center. It was an event that re-enforced my recently strengthened testimony, and I’m so grateful I could be there!

I feel this year has made me happier and wiser, not depressed or resentful. It’s amazing how much greater our happiness can be after we’ve been through something extremely difficult and painful. Just as Lehi said that there must be “an opposition in all things”,  we really do “taste the bitter, that [we] may know to prize the good” as it says in Doctrine and Covenants 29:39.